Eat, Pray, Love

Again, I will reiterate that sometimes I do put forth the effort to discover books, movies, music, etc. on my own. And, sometimes, I'm lazy and I go into a bookshop on a Friday after getting paid my meager wage and want to treat myself with a new book and I'm tired after a long day of work and I just go on what my friends recommend or what has been on the NY Times Best-Seller list. (At least I frequent local book shops. I've got that going for me.)

Anyways, I bought Eat, Pray, Love last Friday on the recommendation that it might just change my life. My friend wouldn't even let me borrow her copy. Not out of selfishness, but embarrassment that she has written all over the margins and highlighted passages all throughout. And, though, I have been feeling quite content these days finally going to school for something I love and living with a man I love, I have never been one to turn down an opportunity for reincarnation. Plus, I couldn't help but be intrigued; I love highlighting books and making notes! I was an English major afterall.

And, I have to say, the can of worms I knew this book would open has not only caused several crying jags and an existential crisis, but also bizarre dreams combining emotions from several places and times in my life. Even my subconscious can't get away from Elizabeth Gilbert's powerful prose. (I choose the word, "prose" because of this book's poetic and poignant nature.)

She speaks to the reader (and my soul) like you are sitting in the local coffee shop talking about everything and nothing at all.

I can't help but feel haunted by the parallels of my life compared to hers and am currently navigating how I incorporate my previous "lives" with the one I am currently living. No, I am not getting all Shirley McClain on you folks. By "previous lives," I mean the many incarnations I have gone through (see "Scarves" Post below.) How does one take a life less ordinary and come to peace with the ordinary?

It's so easy to see beauty around you when you are traveling and seeing things with fresh eyes and a completely clean-slated heart. But, how do you keep this open-minded perspective when seeing things you have known your whole life?

This has been a struggle for me since I have moved home to Chicago, started my first requisite nine-to-five job, a serious relationship, and the rebuilding of friendships I left high and dry for years. Commitments sprouting up everywhere--when I was used to running in open fields of freedom for years.

It feels like I have been spinning my tires on ice trying to get away from the present reality of my life without actually going anywhere. (Not unlike trying to get my car that was frozen in ice in front of my apartment building for a month to move--thanks for the metaphor, my sweet Cirrus.) And, I haven't quite understood where that inclination was coming from. I see now from this book and some meditation on my life that I have been living in frantic fear and anxiety. I've been thinking thoughts like "this is it, this is the rest of your life." (Insert ominous echoing voice over.) I actually wrote my best friend last night that I hoped I wouldn't regret making the choice to move home when I turn forty and look at my life.

PS, that's in TWELVE years! Who the hell can predict what they are going to be thinking twelve years down the line? TWELVE years ago I had just had my first real kiss from my first real boyfriend (Who was shorter than me at the time. Our dance pictures are awesome.) If you asked that awkward sixteen year old what she would be like when she was twenty-eight, she couldn't have possibly conceived how cool and interesting her life would become. Not even close.

So, if anything, Eat Pray Love has reaffirmed to me once again how important it is to question everything and really listen to the answers, the neccesity of suffering to insight growth, to let go of fear and fill that void with faith, and to become secure with my inherent human flaws. It's okay to not have everything figured out and it's best sometimes to just stop and quiet yourself.

Please read this book all of you. If, for nothing else, than to do a little Spring Soul Cleaning. Daylight savings time is this Sunday afterall.

"It's a sacrifice to let [thoughts] go, of course. It's a loss of old habits, comforting old grudges and familiar vignettes. Of course this all takes practice and effort. It's not a teaching you can hear once and then expect to master immediately. It's constant vigilence and I want to do it." -Elizabeth Gilbert








(The picture is me, circa 1996.)